okay, perfect.

“Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you who you are.”

That proverb stands strong today, but most people are too sensitive to hear it. Or at least acknowledge that they’re in a dangerous crowd, doing all the wrong things. Or maybe doing all the right things while dragging baggage or people from their old life that they won’t let go.

I looooove this saying; I’ve ghosted many a’boys in the talking stage by seeing who their friends were (thanks Dustin and G)… and none of them liked hearing it, but they were trash. Lol sorry.

But I was too at one point- I was literally pulling myself in 10293340275843 different directions trying to create a person that everyone liked…except myself. I literally hated myself for years because I felt like I never fit in.

And I don’t still, I don’t know what I’m doing.

*back to the proverb*

If you allow yourself to become influenced by individuals, without having a strong moral footing in yourself with established boundaries, you are simply a copy of said people.

You are not unique, you are not special, and you are not going to figure out who you are or what your purpose is.

You’re going to develop a *personality disorder* and probably become a fabulous masking narcissist because that’s what’s gotten you through all these years.

You’ve molded yourself and lied to yourself into creating a person that someone else would like in order to fit in…and it starts at such a young age.

Individuals with a personality disorder generally lack a clear or stable image of themselves… with either a really high ego or a dramatically low self-esteem. Typically, they lack 3 things:

1. Boundaries,
2. Personality and
3. True friends.

Boundaries

What is a boundary? Well we all know, it’s the thing that we tell people not to fucking cross, or the thing that we ignore when he’s 6’5” or the thing we try to force on other people. This can be done in so many forms, and our entire life is derived from setting and creating these boundaries mentally, physically and socially. Religion gives you boundaries based on beliefs, a relationship can be healthy or toxic based on shared/lack of boundaries, and a job can only be so important before you snap based on crossing your boundaries of availability.

Boundaries are necessary in establishing the person you want to become and you have complete control over that.

Personality

There was a test that I took in elementary and middle school that gave me my personality type and what my future might look like. O B V I O U S L Y my friends and I did this together so we would have the same future…Was it accurate? No, mostly because I lied and a smidge because it was a poorly crafted website in my opinion.

ANYWAYS, these days you can take a personality test to figure out if you are more of a logical person or if you would book a trip to hike Everest or if you would rather finance your money into crypto or spend your days watching everyone else live their life. In other forms, you have horoscopes and mythology that tell you the kind of person you are based on the day.

My point being, you most likely do not have those because when you wake up in the mornings, your first thoughts might be:

• what is everyone else doing.
• what can you do to surround yourself with any sort of energy from everyone else.
• some negative bull shit that you aren’t good enough and need to go do certain things to impress certain people (I.E. go to certain places you know certain people will be at to make sure they see you doing “better.”)

From personal experience, it was to drive to someone and when I got there we just did whatever they wanted to do because they weren’t necessarily going to drive to me but I needed that validation and I needed that type of love from said person, so I did whatever I needed to in order to get it… I had no real desire to put miles on my car, or drive, or drag my poor dog everywhere with me, or to spend $200 a week on gas….BUT I DID IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO FEEL VALIDATED.

And that’s what a personality disorder is mostly about: you have no sense of self because your idea of self isn’t good enough and you need someone else to tell you that you are but you can’t unless you mirror this person/group until you become so sickeningly alike that you can’t tell if its your ideas bobbing around in your head or theirs.

*breathe in….annnnnd out*

No, I did not go on a rant.

True friends

You don’t have friends, either. You have people with shared interests that you’ve probably over exasperated in trying to hangout with them or sending them a million messages on Instagram because you so badly wanted to be a part of them. You’ve created a false sense of friendship in your head about these people and they most likely would not answer the phone if you called.

OR

You created a toxic friend group that goes out every Thirsty-Thursday and/or weekend, but none of you talk during the week or about anything other than the lastest hook-ups, your exes and everything else that dries your brain of any brain cell you have left. You don’t talk about becoming better, or about a promotion at work, or about something you’ve learned, because this is easy:

Drinking to forget is easy.

Smiling and laughing away all of your problems is easy.

In the short term.

And right now, you continue to set yourself even farther behind from becoming the strongest and best version of you.

Social media influence: “How did they do THAT and they’re only 17??” Maybe because they got lucky, or maybe because they put their head down and worked or maybe because they saw their goals and developed priorities instead of seeking that social validation of a “cool friend group” that actually is getting you nowhere.

I’m really not this mean in person lol I promise or this blunt. Anymore, I just simply shut up and shut down and go to the gym or take a nap. I’m not really bothered by much anymore and that’s because I went through all of these issues: I had a bunch of “friends” who wouldn’t be there for me when I was way too intoxicated. I did everything I could in high school so I felt included in something. I modified my car so it would look better when *************** saw it but somewhere along the line it just hit me:

The only person you need to impress when it comes to your life is younger you.

Hear me out, nothing else matters other than becoming better than you were yesterday, and as overused as that saying is, some of you need to say it louder. Fuck, I need to.

You are not going anywhere because you are not involved in your mind, or your skill set. You are involved in everyone else’s life that you forgot about your own.

Take a step back and go to the gym because your health is important- not because your ex goes to the same gym (but get those PRs though baby).

Have a hobby because it genuinely makes you happy.

Go back to school because its going to create a better future for you and your kids or just you…that’s okay too.

Don’t buy something because it’ll make you look cooler, buy it because it makes sense.

Damnit, call me Andrew Tate, but the only person stopping you from being great is your mindset. It’s you. And it’s literally everything you have to lose.