someone quoted “don’t date the man who gives you butterflies, date the one who calms your anxiety and feels like coming home.”

and damn. I mean, they’re right. some of us are so used to trauma, though, that chaos feels like home. yelling, people pleasing, crying in the bathroom bc he was a little mean but he’s had a rough day can feel like home too.

and that safety we should feel is so scary to us bc it’s not anything we know.

so what is home? and should we be looking for home in someone else or in ourselves first?

someone also quoted “give to yourself what you want someone to give you” or something… so buy yourself flowers or give yourself alone time to have a self care day.

be aware with what you offer because you can become so wrapped up and in awe with a person and relationship that you forget who you are…and then when they leave, there goes the home that you created.

when we’re born, we know nothing about society and laws and racism and taxes and pain or suffering. we just ‘are.’ and along the way to adult hood, some of that gets a little twisted and changes our neuropathways, telling us that safety can mean numerous things.

the brain is powerful dude.

and that’s where having to reconnect with your hobbies and passions you had as a child have to come into play. we’ve all seen movies where the grinch person has a little bit of kindness shown to him and his humanity is restored- was that person born mean or did things happen along the way to create bitterness towards feelings of family and safety and culture because those thoughts and ideas were associated with abuse?

nobody is born evil, that’s my opinion. but when we live long enough, mindsets and habits change and those create evil.

so creating a happy and healthy home is necessary to finding a happy and healthy relationship: with yourself and others.

1. treat yourself

enjoy self care nights doing something you love and get yourself that coffee.

1. understand yourself

what triggers your happiness, anger, insecurities or motivation? what can you do to improve any areas that could destroy a possible future?

1. make connections

friends are important but not 1829304959 of them. find a good, HEALTHY circle (if you’re recovering from alcohol, probably watch who you are with haha). find a mentor and find a therapist.

1. establish your personality

I feel like this is self explanatory but idk; what makes you excited? what’s your favorite color? what’s your favorite movie? do you even like movies?

1. ideology

what are your beliefs?

become your own person before you become someone else’s. 🖤 happy Valentine’s day!