okay, perfect.

To all the girls out there who survived their biggest heart break, to all the boys who hide behind emotions the world won’t validate, and to all the children out there who have to be strong to survive the monstrosity of a home life they’re in, to all of you.

Do not lose the soft part of you that allows gentleness and kindness to fall away. Do not become so rock hard and keep your brain so closed off to the future and the doors that will open when certain opportunities change.

I was in my man-eater/hatred for any man era for the last 8 months. It was 100% the worst thing, but also the greatest thing to ever happen. Honestly.

I still have no desire to pursue a relationship, I will say that, but it’s more peaceful than “because my ex hurt me.” It changed to:

“Because I have shit to do and no time to waste.”

I realized so many different things:

Be happy by yourself and experience life in a different light.

1. I was allowing myself to be treated like absolute dog-shit because of the way I felt about myself. By that, I mean I had no respect for the things I thought, or the habits I had built. I had no confidence in the way I looked or the way I presented myself.
2. Hurt people hurt people- I know you’ve heard this before, but it’s true.
3. Everybody is going to die one day and everyone needs to be the main character of their own life, not trying to impress other people based on clothes, style, love, sex, or validation.Be happy by yourself and experience life in a different life.
4. You’ll find your significant other when you least expect it- you have goals in life so go accomplish those first.
5. Get a therapist- that third opinion is going to save you from spontaneity that will do more harm than good.
6. Walk with purpose and with grace; how you hold yourself is how people will treat you.
7. Doing things for others is important in selflessness, but doing things for everybody is exhausting. Take care of yourself first.
8. Plainly, if it does not bring you happiness, it does not need to fit into your life.

By changing your mindset from “all men/women/parents are bad,” start asking yourself why you feel that way. I can promise you it’ll all come down to a singular event and once you accept and understand it, you’ll stop carrying that baggage with you everywhere and to everyone you meet.

Because not everyone you meet deserves to be labeled for the actions someone else did to you.

Also, by watching how you react, you retain control of the situation which puts you at an advantage to the trauma.

Being soft does not mean you are weak. For my soft girlies, it means you retained that feminine beauty. It doesn’t make you dumb or dainty or incapable. Woman were meant to be captivators, negotiators, organizers and we can’t do that unhinged and hurt.

Woman were meant for so much more than toxic situationships, but because you’ve been hurt and you haven’t healed, you are angry and have put up a concrete wall for allowing any vulnerability. You constantly are on guard for the things that go wrong and no longer allow embracing your confidence. And you’ve probably adopted a masculine mindset because you don’t want to allow another man in your life.

You are smart, regardless of what someone said. You do have room to learn, you do have a beautiful smile, you do have grace, you do have style- it’s okay if its not everyone’s taste, but taking control of your confidence (not cockiness) is the first step to putting yourself back in your soft girl era.

At this point, you no longer are watching out for your ex at Costco, you aren’t seeing the car everywhere. You are doing what you want to do- farmer’s market on Saturday mornings, playing basketball after work, reading a book at night instead of clubbing to forget.

You’ve taken control of what makes you happy and started respecting your time here- you don’t have forever, so why are we wasting time on healing from our traumas and living to our full potential?